I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
