He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
