He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
