am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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