Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
