Screwed.edu
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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