yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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