life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
