I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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