why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
