im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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