he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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