All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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