I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
