it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
