i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
there is glitter all over my balls
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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