Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
