Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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