she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
