guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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