it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
