i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
