I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
