dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
