It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
