If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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