I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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