i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
