Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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