Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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