M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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