Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
