I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
