I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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