Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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