I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
