I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
