New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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