i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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