So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
