You smell like a Billy Joel song
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
