Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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