Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
