i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Come see our sink grown plant.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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