i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I sprained my soul last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
