woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
