So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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