please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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