What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
