Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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