we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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