I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
