i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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