I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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