So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
