So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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