and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
