Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
In America we eat man semen.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize