evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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