So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
