I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
