her vagine was all disorganized.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
