Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We don't watch enough power rangers
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
