That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
