He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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