This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
