Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
