i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i will never coherently bang her
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
