i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
