Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
handjob tips. give me some.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize