just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
