Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I supernannyed him into submission
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
