are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
